Volume 3 – The Obscure Incident
#105 – Locked By Words
“Did you kill people?” I asked her. She began crying loudly. It was making me uncomfortable as well, but I was determined to push it further.
“Did you kill the teacher in the room at the back of the lab?” This time, my question was a lot more specific.
“I didn’t want to.” she said.
“What happened, then?” I asked.
“You did.” she replied.
“What did I do?” The conversation was getting more confusing every minute, with every new question.
“You wanted him dead.” she said. My eyes opened wide. I couldn’t believe my ears. This was not true, but if she had said that in a court or a police station, I would be in a very big trouble.
“What are you saying!?” I said. “I did not want to kill anyone!”
“You didn’t. You wished he would die.” she said. I noticed after thinking a bit on it. So, there was a distinct difference between ‘wanting to kill someone’ and ‘wanting someone to die’.
“Where did you get THAT idea?” I asked her. I was slowly losing my patience, and perhaps my mind too.
“You did, didn’t you?” was her response.
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” I was shouting now.
“You did.” she simply replied. “Oh, you did…”
I was frusturated.
“What is your problem?” I asked her.
“You are not happy.” she said, forming simple sentences almost like a baby. I wanted to remain calm, but she was really getting on my nerves.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?”
“I want to know what you want.” she said. “What do you wish for, Mr. Kenan?”
I punched the door in frusturation. With that punch, I might have scared her a little bit.
“Get me out of here!” I yelled. She immediately went silent. I was breathing heavily. This was the first time in my life I felt that… intense.
I got away from the door and went to look outside the window again. I breathed in, and out. Closing my eyes, I tried to forget everything I’ve seen and heard today, at least momentarily.
After my heart rate got a bit lower, and my breathing was slowed down, I walked over to the door again. I had no intentions of spending the whole night in here; yet… There was no way we could understand each other with the girl on the other side. But at least I had calmed down for the moment, so I could try talking normally again.
“Are you still there?” I asked.
“Yes.” She wasn’t so hesitant to answer me anymore. This was good, at least, after everything we’ve talked, there was some sort of connection between us.
“What do you want to do?” I asked her.
“I don’t know.” she said. “The sun will rise again tomorrow.”
I didn’t find any correlation between my question and her answer. Since asking about it would move the topic off-track, I didn’t push it any further. Instead, I thought of something else.
“Your parents are worried about you.” I said.
“You don’t know that.” she replied. I couldn’t argue. She was right about that one.
“You parents are most probably worried about you.” I altered the sentence a little bit.
“I don’t have parents.” she said. It felt like I hit a brick wall. I paused for a moment.
“Where do you live?” I asked her. “Who takes care of you?”
“I don’t live.” she replied.
“So…” I said. “What are you?”
“Please.” I said. “I am serious.”
“I used to believe that I was a human.” she said. “I used to believe I deserved to live.”
“What changed your mind?” I asked. “You don’t think you deserve to live anymore?”
“I don’t.” she said. “This is not life.”
“Everyone deserves to live.” I said.
“Then why?” she asked. “Why did this happen to me?”
“You are not telling me your problem.” I said. “I honestly and truely want to help you.”
“They said that too.” she said.
“Who are THEY?” I asked. She stopped.
“I can’t tell you!”
“This is why!” I shouted. “If you don’t talk to me, if I don’t get to know you, how are we going to solve your problems?”
“I’ve been doing just fine myself.” she said.
“No.” I replied. “No, you were not.”
She didn’t say anything in return. This moment was familiar by now. A long silence was awaiting me. I had already accepted my fate. Thinking of it, I could actually try falling asleep for a while. She wasn’t going anywhere anyway.
– – –
“How do you feel?”
I didn’t know what time it was when those words woke me up. This time, I was going to play differently. I didn’t answer her. She didn’t say anything again for a long time.
“Mr. Kenan…” she eventually tried talking again. “Are you mad at me?”
Against this question, silence could mean ‘yes’. I didn’t want to risk losing the already weak connection between us. This question had cornered me pretty well.
“No.” I said, softly.
“Oh my… What did I do?” she murmured.
“What are you doing?” I changed the question to talk about the present, rather than the past.
“We can’t change what happened in the past.” I said. “Let’s try for a better future.”
“Let me out of here so I can help you.” I said.
“Will you… Will you really help me?” she asked.
“Yes.” I replied.
“No matter what I did?” she asked. This was a hard question, but I had no other chance.
“Yes.” I said.
“Are you happy?” she asked. I was caught off-guard. I did not belive the question was as simple as it sounded at first. What did she mean with that? What was the deeper meaning behind this question?
“Am I…” I said, thinking about what to tell her.
“…happy?” she completed the question. I sighed. I did not know what to do. The words I was choosing could potentially be very dangerous.
Instead of answering the question, I asked the same question to her. Not only this would give me more time to think, I could get an answer to that question from her.
“Are you happy?”
There was no reply.